Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
