i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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