I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize