I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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