This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
