my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
