My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
