i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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