everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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