Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
