I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
