My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
