At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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