great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
