he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
