forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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