I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
the raccoons are back...
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