i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
