We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
