i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
