My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
