help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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