i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
