There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
