i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
