I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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