I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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