last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
