I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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