What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
