I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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