i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
