i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
