our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
