she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
