I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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