I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
