Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
