Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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