like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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