He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
