Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
