Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
