"it" just moved
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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