sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
