You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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