dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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