We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize