I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
