it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
