Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
