wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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