You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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