I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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