the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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