remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
