hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
