I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
