Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
time to smoke my breakfast
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Randomize
