apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
