I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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