Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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