would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
