Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
