I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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