he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
