I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
