Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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