so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize