i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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