If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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