No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize