Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
